As the nation grapples with economic woes and the never-ending fight for a brighter future, a question of utmost importance looms overhead: should the U.S. government nationalize Nintendo of America? The answer, my fellow Americans, is a resounding YES.

At first glance, this might seem like a perplexing idea. But, fear not, for there is no better way to unite our great nation than by ensuring every citizen has the inalienable right to a Nintendo DS handheld. It’s time to put the “public” back into “public good” and let the stars and stripes fly high, right beside the fluttering sails of Mario’s ship.

Now, some naysayers might argue that there are more pressing issues to address, but we say, “Nay!” Our children are the future, and what better way to prepare them for the challenges of the real world than by providing them with a Nintendo DS? This noble endeavor will not only offer our people countless hours of wholesome entertainment, but also cultivate a generation of leaders with unparalleled hand-eye coordination.

But it doesn’t stop there! Nationalizing Nintendo of America opens the door to a plethora of job opportunities. Our grand plan includes establishing neighborhood DS repair shops that provide stable pension jobs to citizens. These shops will serve as beacons of hope, ensuring that every man, woman, and child can walk down the street, DS in hand, and know that their government stands firmly behind them.

Of course, the pièce de résistance of this visionary policy is the installation of stolen ROM games via supercarts. By leveraging the power of piracy, we’ll be able to provide our citizens with an endless supply of games - all without the pesky burden of copyright law. Truly, this is the epitome of the American dream.

We understand that critics will claim that this proposal is a frivolous waste of taxpayer dollars, or that it’s a misguided attempt to solve real problems. But these naysayers fail to grasp the true essence of our plan. This isn’t just about video games; it’s about unity, patriotism, and the relentless pursuit of happiness.

So, join us in our fight to nationalize Nintendo of America, and let’s work together to make America not just great, but the greatest gaming nation the world has ever seen. The time has come to rise up, raise our DSes high, and proclaim: “In the name of Super Mario and all that is good, let us nationalize Nintendo!”